Never have I told you to drop the act and know where the line is. I don’t tell you, “your eating disorder is and act and you just need to eat a little more.” Nor did I ever tell you to change who you are and how you view the world. I have never be littled you or looked down on you. When you told me to look for answers I went online, read books, and I asked the source I knew best. I am sorry you felt singled out, but that wasn’t the case. You always say do what is healthiest, and having someone believe I am anyone but me, is not healthy for me.
If you thought me asking why you had boundries was too far, then be it, but I never told you to change who you are and the quirks you have because it is just a freaking act. That hurt, that I will never forget and though one day I might forgive it, I highly doubt I will forget it. You post things of treating others with respect and backing off when need to, and treating everyone’s quirks with a gentleness, but you don’t. If I was anything less then what I am, who knows those words might have left a scar that made me think about all my friends and how they treat me, and what ifs, but that is not the case.
I surround myself with people who accept me for me, when I ask a million questions and when I put people aside and ask them person questions to get a better understanding of why people work. If you thought me asking about boundries and me standing up for my friend was too far then why keep your posts on Tumblr? If I can’t ask you questions about who you are and what you do and why you do them then why try and get to know you better?
When I am someone’s friend and I don’t understand why something is happening in their life I ask so that next time it comes up I can be there for them. As a friend I am curious as to why you do certain things, or how it is going to end up. I look at all angles and all points of view but still stick to mine. As a friend I will not give up on someone because they want it so, and I push my friends to get uncomfortable because it is a learning experience all around. You learn new things about you, I learn new things about me, and we learn things about each other. I share with you as you share with me. I open up when you open up.
If you want to stay in that cocoon of your life because you are afraid of what might happen if you leave that, afraid of emotions or anything else, then stay there. I wont push you any further, but the only way I will stop being me around you is to back away from you as a friend, a follower, and a person you used to rely on.
I never told you to change, I just asked why you thought a way. I never told you who you were around me was not really you but something else entirely. I never was anything I wasn’t.
Who knows maybe you fear people lie about themselves around you because your BFF and ex did that/do that to you. Maybe it came from your family, or maybe you are used to being tip-toed around that you are not used to seeing someone be themselves around you. What ever your case is, I was not and will not be one of those people.
I’m done helping you.
